BensonWhores

My name is Fergi Lurarri..AKA Ferrari…Italian and French…by heritage…but Brooklyn by way of the Feds…and I live in this shithole cuz my folks are try’n ta fit in. Dad is a Butcher like er’other Italian and Mom works at Macy’s like every other Frenchi try’n to cover up her hairy pitts. We just moved here a year ago and I enrolled at the local high school and met these 4 D. St bitches. All four are decidedly different, however they each, in their own way re-define Daygo-Hoe..even those 2 skinny Jew wannabe’s. High School is owned by the likes of these life size Brat Dolls and I cant wait to return these 4 items back to the Wal-Mart toy section.

Jizzelle Schwartz…AKA…Jizz Wart…Rumor on the street is she is hot for the gym coach Tyrone KraqueHaus and has a thing for cheap Claires Boutique jewelery. 2 things wrong with this. Her parents would shit a gold loaf of Challah if she ever wore cheap knock off or dated a black guy. My job is to take her ass down and get her home schooled… so that in 9 months… her and the coach can move up above Bay Ridge Omonias, were he can wait tables and she can push Feta everything for those dirty greeks. I thinks after prego time all that ashy brown hair may return and she’ll have to beg Ferrari for some Feria…or a nice Gaga Wig.

Which brings me to my next reckon….I may have to Challah’ back at the other Jew in my side-that Rooski-Kosher Mess Wachel Westin, heir to Westin Hotels…Her Penchant for the dark meat has DateLine NBC to follow her to various Home Depots and Lowes parking lots and picking up Mexicans for “yard work” (and but not limited to back-door) I know for a fact that she cant get enough of Tel’Mundo and owns a Taco Bell dog. I have to admit the dog is cute…however…I hate the Christina show….so it was a wash with Wachel…until I found out she was dating the kitchen custodians…the Leman Brothers. Its going down worse than the stock market

Next on my list of High school princess dipshits is Gabina Asso….AKA Gas-Hole…Little does she know our house in the Hamptons has a faulty gas fireplace and air conditioning all with receipts to the Asso Family. However this isnt my ace in the AssoHole….I have first hand knowledge from my cousin Gia JewDice….that her high school sweetheart  “tricky stick Nate” is seeing Snooki. So if my cannoli melts this summer in the Hamptons…you’ll know why GasHole didnt make it to the Jersey Shore.

Now for the ring leader of these New York Debs. Salvina FoFina…daughter of Bonina and Banana FoFina….She grew up with all these Daygo/Wap/Guine/Olive Oil-Spumoni/Canal St./Bodega pre-madonnas…I have a special take down for her….I know for a fact she can be found at Dean & DeLuca every friday shopping for tiramisu crap and a case of Orangina. I am gonna be there and ask her and her 3 stooges to my sweet 16 at the Ultra Chic Del Rio Lounge. Rumor has it Al Capone used the mens room there and then asked for directions to 30 Rock.

Flash forward after a few calls and some bullshit meetings with these bitches during geometry and home ec. and now its a week before my birthday party at the Del Rio. I am hang’n at the famous sushi rat trap Tenzen like the rest of the BensonHo’s til these 4 trix on stix walk in chewing juicy fruit and clutching knock off Prada. I quickly snatch a Village Voice and raise it eye level and prentend to know how to read…(there are alot of color ads for fag bars-so I look hella incognito)…the place is packed and they head in my direction…I raise the weekly higher into my hair sprayed claw bangs for more anonimity and watch as they sit at the counter just a few feet away. Thank gawd they have skreeching Brooklyn accents….I heard everyword.

JizzWart was asking if anyone else had been with a black guy or ever worn mall jewelry or had a craving for pickels and vanillabean…..all the girls looked at her like she was Sarah Palin and promptly ordered some Lamborghini EggRolls.

Wachel quickly grabbed her Canal St. saddlebag and whipped out a bottle of Salsa and asked if anyone spoke spanish. Gasshole spoke spanish however she was busy texting Nate while asking Sal if she knew Snooki. Jizz-GasHole-Wachel and Sal were all 2 things :completly unaware I was hiding my face in the Tranny Ads and numero Duce’o…that they are all dumb as a sack of shit on fire in front of Cipprianis. I get up from my booth and walk over and say a brief hello. Gasshole smiles over her airconditioning for dummies softback…Wachel is trying to find a healthy way to drink vodka and eat some whitefish chubs …and Jizz is just trying to maintain eating for 2….Sal is rifleing thru a giant Dean @ DeLuca grocery bag….these chix were really OUT TO LUNCH…I slammed my purse on their table to wake’m up and politely said “morning ladies”…Jizz mutters hello over a bite of a spider roll..Sal’s entire face is in the grocery bag by this point and lets out a muffeled hello…Gasshole and Wachel were both pricing EPT and Monistat on their IPhones….to busy to look up….I turn to drop some Ghetto Knowledge on these bitches and thats where it all became a blur…I woke up in Bellevue and spent the next 18 years there…since then the world has changed….there are phones you can take pictures and stir soup  with and very expensive coffee on everycorner with free puppies and this computer thing where you can go surfing or jet skiing or something…anyways….when I got out…it was nice to know BK was the same…Jizz and Wachel hooked up with the Jersey Manzo boys and both have twins…Jizz boys…Wache…a boy and girl…Gabbi is a fulltime Nanny to the Manzo’s and gets to see her gurls all the time..and is currently carrying a duet of her own…but the Papi is a Gorga….any guesses?….I hope its Trees sexy hairy assed bro……and as for the biggest Daygo-Ho…Rumor has it…she has set Seattle on fire and is in route on I-5 headed south to Frisco to open a brothel for Sexy New York Cougars……(she just MySpaced Me)…..I am gonna sell all my Atari stock and buy the Jizz, Wache, Gabbz..and Myself Vag-Plasties….all one way tickets to San Fran to work Sal…(for her Grand opening) Come join us at” Banana’ fanna- fa’ Phussy”

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