Samiir…. My boss

~Ok so its mid week (Thursday).. the local High End (mainly alot of drapes and mirrors and other Faggy Shit) Cafe, and My boss is late…..(That Curried/Hairy/Jaguar Driving/ Terrorist Asshole Samiir)..the place is filling up and I need a bunch of a third arm or a magic wand…and no doubt a Midget on a Stick…..So about 100 lattes deep I notice the 2nd shift person “Shaneekwa” is running late…..(That Fat Ass Russian better get here soon) I text Her Commi ass and say there is a care package from Moscow here for her…..She immediatly hits me back with “I will be soon”…Like I give a shit….and that doesnt even make sense….just as I get her text…the cafe regulars settle in…the Diamond  Cutter is hanging around some twinki in sweat pants and obviously no undies…..(yeah…FoSho!)…the dead beat dad is doing the Str8 version of this with some creepy goth chick….and of course the insanely wealthy Asian Ladies are sipping green tea and digging in their enormous luxury handbags…..and last but not least the WhiteSheDevil is cruis’n the new UPS dude….all 6.4 and from Africa…GO OBAMA!!!!!….so now that everyone is got their swah’erve on I can begin to clean up, and get ready for lunch and that late Russian Hippo to show up and  to destroy my working environment…. So as I start the usual stuff…You know…stealing quarters……putting ham on Vegan sandwiches…and hanging out on myspace….Shaneekwa finally shows up….(all 300 pregnant pounds of Her)…..She puts out Her smoke and pops a piece of gum or borscht into Her fat face..and opens the front door screaming Hello Gayzel……I just roll my eyes and point her to the dish pit…just then, Samiir walks in with a crate of wine and some togo containers and a few sleeves of cups piled on his chest….I quickly run out back for a smoke break..avoiding eye contact…as I run thru the dish pit I smack the Huski Ruski and her ample ass and say Her Mom is on the phone. She rushes out running into Samiir…(belly first)…They Kiss and My Butt begins to vomit in my shorts…These 2 have been at it for a longtime…infact She’s gonna Shit out a Hairy Lil HalfLing baby anyday now….I must have been gone for about an hour….just walking around the park watching the ROTC jogging..(MMMM SOOKIE SOOKIE)..but when I got back the shoppe the lunch crowd was in full swing…Samiir was throwing plates like frisbees and Shaneekwa was knee deep with 10 tables with only water and empty bread baskets….as I slinked over to the hostess stand to put on my apron… a plate of bruscetta sailed past my fluffy highlights…turns out Samiir wanted to see Me….I  quickly picked up the pieces of broken China and hurled it back at him…..then I proceeded to collect all the bread baskets and fill them and rewater all the tables…..a few moments later all this food came up and I just told Er’Bod to come up and grab what they thought was theirs….I am a Saint…by this time Samiir was in His office making some calls to food suppliers…(or The Taliban)…and It was time to drop off guest checks…..I had to send Shaneekwa back to the dish pit…so I could Void all the cash tickets and keep Them for My own…so with The Boss and His bitch tucked away…I was able to make $485.75 from My 4 table section….This is My stimulous package…(actually My stimulous Package is in My pants)… About 10 minutes left in My shift now….so hopefully nobody comes in…so I can finish some other shit on this iphone …head out early..and hit up that new Pho Noodle Soup (the only good thing to come outta Vietnam next to happy endings) joint on the way home…..Super Hot Str8 boy  Jeremy(I’m gonna brush up against Him in dry storage) should be in soon and I will make Him sign and drop off the deposite….and then head out. Tommorow is Friday, so maybe things will go smoother….if not I am gonna go apply at the Parks Department to help out the ROTC.


2 Responses to “Samiir…. My boss”

  1. Maybe when that Ruskie pops, you can sell the baby to the zoo as an ugly monkey for more pocket change. It could work.

  2. Lots and lots of laughs! What a cast of characters! More!

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