A Seattle Santa Wish List

Dear Santa,

~I wanted to ask for a few things to make a better world for everyone this Holiday..even the Jews and Muslims…but not the Morman’s….fuck Them…..So…. I need Your sweaty, overweight help to grant some wishes…..please give all the Asians free defensive driving courses or cars made out of  ‘ Nerf  ‘….and give all the cab drivers new Turbans and air freshners….I think the Black people are great for a while with the whole Obama thing and all …..so…maybe… give Them all play stations…and for all the Whitey’s out there…I will save you a ton of shopping…They love free t shirts…mainly ones with beer slogans or kittens…if that too hard for You..lose some weight…then…..get Them all Best Buy debit cards…They love The Best Buy..and last but not least give the Gays proposition 8 back…or make Tom Cruise come outta the closet ..either way…this is out of control…..then maybe in a few years My Jack Russells can get hitched….I think this takes  care of the masses…so for specifics….I would like to start with My boss and His ugly ass Russian girlfriend…please give Them some Valtrex for Their scabby lips and other parts..and if possible have Her deported…actually He is an Arab…have Them both outta here….(maybe after payday though)….also while You are at the building…please send the condo Pres. a huge bag of flaming Elf shit….after that be sure to stop by Scotts….while You are there…bend Him over Your chubby knee and spank that ass!!!! (He will actually be waiting up for You)….and Give the Gay wine guy some SlimFast and some sports bras…..now that should take care of naughties…except for Pres Bush…and I dont even wanna touch that one….maybe give Him K-Fed as a son in law….I dont give a fuck really….so now for the nice….please make sure to give the Original White Shedevil somemore Acne and some Spinner Rims (trust!)…and for My other GF..Cameron Diaz….dont give Her a FaWkIng thing til She returns My Ipod….I know You will be visiting My lil Sis….please give Her all the Answers to Her Finals and acceptance into th U-Dub medical program…and if You have time…a new flat iron and a Prada weekender…She travels alot…..while You are down in Cali…stop By My crazy Aunts and drop off a lil eyeliner and a garlic press….OH!!!.. and before You leave …slap an Obama bumper sticker on Her Magic Carpet (the Silver Mercedes in the Garage)…by this time You should be headed back up north passing over again..(be sure to bypass all of Oregon)…..My townhouse and all My friends places  are  right off of I-5……so make sure to drop off a redhead blow up sex doll off at Kurt Pfeifer’s house ..(He lives on Fir Ave)….and a Suave Skin Care gift basket off at Sharons….(She loves shopping at WalGreens for skincare)…A Dime Bag and Semi Automatic for My buddy “Chocolate Bear”….scratch that ..just give Him the gun…and then give Ryan the bag of pot…Yeah give Ryan some weed……..He stays in the Hill by Amazon.com too….While You are up there….drop off some Chopstix and Wok to My best friend Kneelio….trust FatMan….(He will like Them)……I actually live really close so You can feed Alec Baldwin a roofie and some Gin…. then put Him in My bed ….naked….then turn on the  Nanny cam I have set up…..(I’ll take over from there thanks)….I will be leaving You and Your lard bottom some Curry and Rice in the fridge….and make sure You turn the lights out! I need You to stick around the area for a bit and set My brothers car on fire…..or leave Him some Rogaine…I am fine either way…I know You are gonna be super busy….so I think thats about it….If You and Your FatAss happen around NY….please send all the 911 families tons of Love and Fortune…and while Your at it….stop off at Barneys and grab Me a Gift Certificate….Also drop off some crazy Wiccan books or wacky John Hughs movies of at the Bradley House in Jersey..its the house with a small petting zoo..I will be working late for Samiir… so I wont be able to text Your Ample Ass…so maybe Sleepy or Sneezy or any of those other lil’ QueerBo’s can print this out for You…just a thought…oh I almost forgot!!!! For all the cafe customers….Santa…please give Them job security and for those Who dont…find Them a Job….Yep I think thats gonna do it…if anything comes up try to Myspace Me ok?….also try to sneak Me a few itune cards (I love Them shits.) Ok I’ll  be in touch as the big day get nearer….and leave   Your damn  phone on! …ok…so later masterbator! Gayzel

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2 Responses to “A Seattle Santa Wish List”

  1. You forgot to ask for the forged documents giving you power of attorney for Samiir before they send his ass back to the Middle East. You gotta look out for your own job security!

  2. awww thank you thank you…I really need it! hehe love you bhaiya!

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