Tuesday is the new black

~Today is really hard to pin down as a work day. The sun is out, even though the Idiot Brigade at Komo Channel 5 News predicted a late Summer Arctic Blast…..All the students are back at school today…and that includes the Community Ones too (But not Devry and the other ones at the Mall)….So now instead of Lazy summer slackers….I have Lazy students hanging out….Add a dash of umemployment to the City and I am busting a sweat by 9:30 am…..My Co worker Shaneekwa called in late (Bad Ass Russian Who hates Me) …She just arrived a few secs ago (its about noon now) and is already making Vegan sandwiches with mayo(STOOOOPID)…..I dont have the heart to tell Her…plus She is almost finished…..So with this bitch being all late and shit….I had to sling coffee like some Pub Wench, and not to mention, super busy pouring half and half in to the 1% to make whole milk This place is CHEAP!!!….I wish That Curried Hitler Owner was here so see My daily struggle to make His shoppe so Elegant and Fun (I think He is on some Camel or Pyramid or both)…..The best part of My morning was getting dressed…I wore a Black Oxford tucked in to show of the Junk and of course some low slung AG’s and some super pointy Boots …..Now I look like a Vietnemese Cowboy with a KungFoo Grip, on a Pitcher of steamed milk….The usual’s were in ….The Diamond Cutter was in sipping Chai and tring to check out the Gayzel on the DL….I noticed that shit and gave Him an extra shot of My juicy bootey wiping the tables Grumpy old Man did the crossword…The Goth Kids were giving Me dirty looks just like the ones I give to lil kids digging in their nose..Hotti Dad came in with a Huge HErp on His lips…look liked BLT hold the LT….Shortly after I was slammed with a Tour Bus of Korean Tourists..(GODZIRRAAAHHH!)..How a bus that big got here, I will never know….So I was up to My ears in MochaChinoFrapps and explaining” We dont serve Shrimp Fried rice”…Then the boss calls in…I answer and Hear His voice and He says “Hello Gayzel”….I just hung up….By this time all the tourists were begin’ing to realize I gave Them all vanilla lattes and asking for the manager….Well thinking on My feet….I get the driver aside and tell Him about the “all You can eat fried rice buffet at Cafe Vita” a block away…He gathers Them up and heads down the one way street away from My shoppe…..promising never to return…or, back up and take out an entire city block….Now the shoppe was cleared out and time to prep for lunch,…..You know…..chop veggies….prep sammies….add hot water to the old coffee..So …Thats about when Shaneekwa shows up and is all flustered about rent going up….So I tell Her to make sandwiches and I would show Her an easy way to make some extra cash….with ping pong balls…….so while this crazy bitch is working, I’ll go for a walk in the park and checkout the College ROTC Group doing jumping jacks…..So I head out with My venti Merlot and begin to head down the street ….I get to the corner and This Asshole in a Black Jaguar with Def Lepard blasting outta the sunroof almost runs Me over……I am 2 things screaming and covered in Merlot……I suddenly get a wiff of Curry and Drakkar Noir and realize that Asshole was My Boss…..I run around the block to head Him off and cruise thru the shoppe and change My shirt….Shaneekwa is busy making a Cafe  Borgia  (total Bullshit drink made up the street from here.)and behind Her, the toaster is smoking something awful…..I have to ingore this circus and change before Hitler fires Me….I make it to the bathroom and manage to snag a bakers apron..but no shirt…the only thing in there is a Baby Tee from Juicy Couture (No diggity its Shaneekwa’s)…..So I walk out with a Pink and Yellow sleeveless, midrift shirt and an apron….makes Me look kinda buff in  front….but it was a Muffin top and pack of hotdogs going on in the lower back area (Fat Rolls luv handles)…so anyways…..My boss has made it behind the counter by this point and is waving the blackest,  piece of Charcoal Toast I have ever seen (LIl diamonds could have fallen off it)…the amount of smoke combined with His accent filling the cafe’ was enough to make Me laugh and point immediatly(not to mention My Merlot buzz)…..He see’s Me and just shakes His head from side to side…Like I give  ashit…anyways So I look at Him and shake My head up and down and all around..and walk past Him to make drinks and show off My muffin top…..He says “Is this what You 2 do when I am not here?” I answer “YES and ..We didnt know You were back from Dubai yet!”……He shook His Head slammed His planner down and went into the office….Well, This is how I got the day off with pay…..Not because of the of anything I did but I got sick to My stomache when I found a $100  in Hitlers planner sticking out…I quickly grabbed it and grabbed My butt cheeks, ran into the office (with the apron off and Baby Tee on- muffin out front to back) and screamed Food Poisoning….He said “got home Gayzel” Which Means go home in Curry. I quickly turned to Shaneekwa and smiled….She was surrounded in a smokey haze and  scraping something that looked like toast….She smiled back and farted over the Latte on the counter behind Her….I think She Knew it was for Our boss….cuz she said in a loud Accent 
“…..Samiir, Your Latte is getting cold!” I knew then and there not all Russians were bad only the Ukrane ones…but….This Cremlin was no Gremlin…..I borrowed that…anyway…It was just another average day at work, no biggie….Kinda hungry now….I guess after I find some Shrimp fried rice ..I gotta hit the record store and then pick up a pair of these Sweet Converse I saw on My way home…So Mooches from Me to You for now…later MasterBators!


2 Responses to “Tuesday is the new black”

  1. That’s the last time I let Shaneekwa make my latte…

  2. lolllllllz wow…best one by far!!! lolz

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