Well the Stock Market is in the Toilet…

~I really dont know how this happened…Maybe it has to do with those “Head On” commercials(or Cheney having a voice)…Anyways…its another Faboo day in the Emerald City…and lil of Cafe Drama, This morning started like any other morning…I got in way late and made sure  to make My Chai and go sit outside and ignore the Customers…Shaneekwa was in a terrible mood…swearing in Russian and smearing butter all over the Vegan Sammies…I usually call Her out on this behavior, however there was a group of Firemen outside having coffee….After They left I decided it was a good time to start work…. After My Borscht Wreeking, Vodka Soaked co-worker had taken care of the morning slam, She turned to Me and said “You Gay Boy…Bav’room times” I know “bavroom times” means clean the bathroom….(what Bitch?? ) So after I checked My Myspace….I waited for Her to have a smoke break and used Her make up brush to clean the “BAV’room…” Around this time the coffee regulars were headed out…Cafe Slut off to meet Her Guy (Craigslist #4) The white SheDevil grabbed Her Misto and headed outside to call Her boss and pretend to be sick, The Diamond cutter walked out in the sexiest pair of 7 jeans I have ever seen (excluding mine of course) and Mr P. headed out ,with his crazy dog making love with a blowing leaf…Dead beat dad managed to come down and dole out some sage advice..”take Your money out now, before the crash happens”… Well D. D. Here’s some advice and its a split dividend….Pay your Child Support….and take some ValTrex….aint that a bitch …telling a barista where to put His tips…maybe I will put it towards a worthy cause…like, CAUSE’ RENT IS DUE…..Wow, (Gayzel looks around) so after being schooled by the Donald Trump of Shitheads…I decided to do more of Jesus’ work and switch all the beans to decaf….nobody will know and It will cut down on peoples Sins and Addictions..kinda like Christmas does…I enjoy giving! After doing this I really felt impowered with the juice of Christ and couldnt help Myself…I realized that I had to pour a Lil Heavy cream into all the Non Fat milks….so that Pregnant People/Ladies (I dont discriminate…like that one tranny job in Oregon…WTF??…It was a chick with a di$!#$ and shit out a baby 9 months later…once again…SHOCKED LIKE KATI HOLMES!!!)..Could give Their babies nourishment….I was so wiped out from the blessed’ calling, I had to call My boss in TelaViv and ask for the night off. He said no….actually He said in a crazy Middle Eastern accent…”Why You want off…You have some Gay Rave to party too?….or are You doing drugs?…..Are You off the wear a dress?” I finally thought fuck it (and His Naan eating ass)…I’ll stay……I know, a No! when I hear it….So after I hung up on the Curried Hitler…I (pretended to take a smoke break) went down to the garage and Keyed His Jaguar….for 2 reasons…I am doing the Churches work and He wont be back for 3 weeks…..I was covered in the light of Jesus and flecks of gloss black paint scrapings, when I saw 3 cops walk into the shoppe…I hurried behind Them and ran into My cage to help Them…one was very cute and the other two looked like truckers…All of Them ordered drip coffee and maple bars (donuts….no shit….You dont have to be Ms. Cleo for this Cafe) They sat for a while and I know why….the Chicks….there are a ton of Hotties that come in…mostly of the Scissor Sister Club if You know what I mean….and if You dont…please stop reading My Blog…(except You Mom…I’ll try to explain it to You later in Arabic)…So in walk the 3 hottest We got…I call them “Beaver Fever or the Triple Wett Threat”….One is My size (totally sexy) actaully They are all my size….anyways…one is a Blonde Baby with Shakira Hips and Fish and Chips….the other is a smart as a Fox, with Curly Locks…(down south) and the other is an Americano sipping Ninja with  a KungFu grip….Ok with all this L Word bullshit pouring in, I realize its time to do the unthinkable…the cops are in a frenzy and these Lesbians are wearing Their best wedding gear…This means They are gonna sit down and call all the UHauls joints…..I really cant handle Horny cops and Lessies in love…So I call in a 911 of My bosses car….These cops get the call, and rush out to hide in Their cars….I get all the girls Americanos (Decaf Rem’ber?) and begin closing up….the rest of the day is pretty slow….I water down the soup and combine the compost and trash to make one trip down stairs..(again Gods work)…and begin to void credit card transactions and put the overage in My tip Jar. By this time the Notorious SOS…(Sisters of Saphos) are headed out to (no doubt rent a Uhaul or adopt a Wolf puppy) enjoy some KD Lang in their Jeep..and I am headed out to My 1981 VW rabbit to listen to some AH HA and head to the all night Vegan Buffet at the Holiday Inn at the Airport…. when My cell phone rings…(Rump Shaker Ring Tone) The ID says ..Osama Bin Latte…Its My boss…He says “Gayzel…File police report to My car, It got bandolized” Ok BANDOLIZED?? WTF is he smoking….so I said ok….and He hung up….RIght as I pulled into the Parking lot to get My Veggi on…My phone rings again…the ID reads ‘Boris’….I answer ” Hi Shaneekwa…whats up?”…She Says ” I just’ TeleViv …uhhh phone call got’….You tried to get ..uhh…(Stupid Russian) night off again huh?” This Bitch is 2 …ok maybe …no definatly 3 things…CRAZY…A Man…and on to Me…..Thinking on My feet I did what any of Our Saviors Children would do…I said “Listen Shaneekwa…I dont know what Your talking about, but I found $100.00 bucks while I was cleaning the BAV”ROOM…and I’ll split it with You.” She said “uhhhh $75.00 now’ morning …uhh…Gay boy and its Deal” I agreed, and realized I was wheel’n & deal’n with the Russian mob….Fawking Bitch!!!! I hope She uses  her makeup brush before eating her homemade potato and potato sandwich or whatever that shit is she brings in. And in a nut shell just a normal day at work….I hope tommorrow has some neat stuff….I dont want You guys to get bored…so stay tuned, some groovey shit may go down….til then….I will be in front of a mirror plucking….. and continuing to pray for your souls…….Gayzel.


3 Responses to “Well the Stock Market is in the Toilet…”

  1. You better be careful f-ing with those Ruskies, Gayzel. They don’t play around…

  2. originalwsd Says:

    Gayzel at his finest – fo sho!

  3. OHH Great post! I’m loving your website;

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