TrueBlog Halloween

~So its another weekend here in Vampire Village…(if I didnt have My blog I would just kill everyone here…. except for Sam!!!)…..This is supposed to be a special weekend….Halloween fell on a Saturday (today) this year and this entire town is going B-a-n-a-n-a-s like Gwen Stefani because some “new girl” is in town….and its Halloweeny Spooky everywhere. Its about 10 am and I just got to work. Sam is busy putting miniature pumpkins on all the tables…(in those Tom Wopat style yummy jeans)…Hoyt is working in His Coloring Book…Tera is all kinds Bug Eyed on the Bar phone trying to get a GED …I see this and I just know its gonna be a long day….I go back to the Walk In freezer to spark a J…I mean grab some butter…. and I run into Sookie and Bill smearing sunscreen all over each others faces…Sookie says “Hi!!” and starts blabbering  on and on about some new girl at the Wal-Mart…I quickly slam the door and head out back by the dumpsters to have a smoke with Arlene….She is in Her best Peg Bundy gear and ready to “shake Her hips and make some tips”…as She puts it….Ms. Bundy pipes up “so are You training the new girl?” ….I was very unaware that We had hired anyone…..(Cuz I am the NEW SHIFT LEADER TA-DA!!!)….so… super P-O’d….I run inside to find Sam…..He was not in the dining room or His office…..so I run to the kitchen…. and see Lafayette teaching the Mexican dishwasher the Electric Slide….I ask if He has seen Sam…He says…”Naahhhh Babay”….and goes back to His choreography…….Just then Tera rounds the corner and says something in Her HillBilly Jive…..I flip the Bird and  blow past Her and run into a creamy, greasy faced Sookie….She says …”stay out of the Walk In, cause Bill’s taking a nap”….(at this point I realized its time to get another job and go check Bills pockets for cash)….I ask Her if She has seen Sam….She says through Her Gap’d Tooth Grill  “He was headed out the front door on His way home for more puN’kins ” ….I run out to the parking lot and cant find Him (or those jeans) anywhere…so this is the perfect time for a smokey trick or treat and check My Iphone for any FaceBook updates….I reach for My lighter when it Happens…”do You have a light?”  I hear over My shoulder….I turn and encounter Her…. 6 feet of Goth Red Head Sexyness….It was like Robert Smith and Jessica Rabbit…’You know’….and then had a Baby….(Those Merlotte girls are gonna eat Their aprons… even Lafayette)….I say “sure, here You go”….”My name is Gayzel….I am the Shift Leader”….She says “Nice to meet You, I’m Kris, Kris Bradley….I am the new girl”….Well there it was….I had met the new girl er’bod was talking about…(My work was cut out for Me….I could smell a lil Vokda on Her and Her LOOOONG Skirt was tucked into the back of Her panty hose)…after Our smokes…I told Her to put Her hair in a Ponytail…(exercising My keen Shift Leading Skillz).. .and then We headed in for a lil training….I was going to give Her a tour of Merlottes….When Hoyt came up and asked Me if I would change His diaper….Kris quickly grabbed My hand and We were instantly in the walk in freezer…(Bill still asleep with only 3 dollars in His wallet)…I said “Nooooooo WAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!” …Kris said….”Yeah….I am a time shifter”….I didnt care…I had to remind Her Who ‘s the Boss… I was a shift leader (not Tony Danza) and She needed to keep Her powers to Herself…..and clock in on time…then I showed Her the time card machine. ….about this time everyone was hard at work…Tera and the dishwasher were busy learning Russian from cassette tapes in the dishpit….Lafayette was busy helping Hoyt in the mens room and Sookie was out in the dining room filling salt and pepper shakers and pretending to be Juliette Lewis or Jerry Lewis or Emanuel Lewis I dont care…….thats when the lunch rush started. Sam still wasnt back, and the Shop was filling up…Lafayette was up to His shoulder pads in fried baskets of fried things ….Sookie and Tera both had to tend bar and valet cars and work coat check….So Arlene Myself and Kris were stuck with about 12 tables each….Slammed Arlene was totally in the weeds cursing and spitting … and I was just managing (like all the great shift leaders before Me)……Kris walks up to Me and ask’s  if I needed any help….”PPPPPPuuuuleeeessseeee New Girl !!!!”  …I thought…..I take one look at Her section and They are all dialed in…..smiling guests….check books all changed and tables bussed….Kris says “I told You….I am a time shifter”…….I screamed “I am the Shift Leader”…..right as the words came out of My mouth…Sam walked in the door (in those jeans You like….mmm hmmm)….”Gayzel Whats going on?!!!”

~OK………Here is where I get a lil lost …At this point all My memory is a blur….all I remember is Grabbing this Tall Drink of New Girl by Her red ponytail and dragging Her with Me to the back room to write Her up for using Her powers during Her shift and keeping My lighter. Then I blacked out…When I came to…Kris was standing over Me with a skillet and Sam  was tied up in His office chair with only His boxers on and a miniature puN’kin in His mouth….(I know huh?!!!)… I looked out the office window and saw the entire staff laughing and getting ready to go home…(How long was I out for I thought)….Kris speaks in an Evil voice like Darth Vadar….with a sprinkle of Cookie Monster…..”6 hours Gayzel”….”You have been out for 6 hours”..(and I was all “whoooaaaa get outta My head Lady”)…”HALLOWEEN IS  OVER GAYZEL! “…..and then She says …”AND SO IS YOUR BLOG.”

One Response to “TrueBlog Halloween”

  1. Hahahahahahahhhaaaaaa! Oh, so AWESOME!

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