True Blog Gayzel

~So I just landed this gig waiting  tables at this shithole named Merlottes in Baton.    (Still dodging the Taliban)   If this economy doesnt pick up I am gonna kill Myself working with these inbread Twilight mofo’s. The only redeeming thing about this place is the owner. His name is Sam and He fills out a pair of jeans better than a Duke Boy……(TOM WHAOOOOOPAT  MM MMM)..when He was reading My application and handing Me My W-2 packet I saw inside His plaid western style shirt…..(K Marche’)….thick brown and gold chest hair, feathering across His pecs and eventually circling around large pink nipples that seemed to fade into His tan chest and golden hair…I knew then this wasnt such a bad place after all….(He was like a Gay Jesus)…not to mention that Fat Ass of His…so He leans  on His desk and shakes My hand “When can You Start”…..15 minutes later I was in an apron following His tight Wranglers from the Dish pit to the dining room….all was going great until these 2 bitches showed up…can You guess?…ummmm    Vampires, Shape Shifters and $20 Truck Stop Blowjobs can only mean one thing…You guessed it Sookie Stackhouse….and Tara the Hott Black Girl…..Sookie…  gap’d tooth hillbilly is just a stones throw away from turning into Juliette Lewis….She does bring a homey underdog vibe to Merlottes….serving the usual southern fair….fried everything…. and beer….when She isnt carrying pitchers of Coors across Her FlapJack Titties…She can be found hanging behind the bar with Her mind reading self and Tara Who is clearly Outta Her Mind. Tara is a stunning Ebony beauty…..sexy tight bod….long braided ringlets….full moist lips and hips that dont lie…(Shakira Shakira!)…..Her only deal breaker is Her mouth….Her accent is so thick and undeveloped…there were reports of Deaf People two towns over with busted ear drums….Its a Good thing Sookie can read minds cause She fo sho can understand what Tara is saying….So these two dipshitz get to hang out all night in the Boars Nest meets TGIFridays….waiting for MayBerry  to come in….All the while people are dying all over town  and nobody cares  ….cool….maybe some hot guys will show up soon and I can stop watching these two….About 8;30 the place begins to fill up….Our boss Sam walks up and says He just sat 3 peep  s in My section…Sookie pops up in My  face like a zit… and begs to take them….I say ok,  just to be able to step out for a smoke and watch Sams  Ample   Ass bound from side to side as He walked around to the bar area. I step outside and run into Our  lead server…Arlene…She is could pass for Sookies grandmother…..or Peg Bundy  ….all kindsa trashy…She reaches out and introduces Herself and I get a waft of Cigarettes and Ham ….I decided right then and there that all white people are nasty including Tara even though She is  hott and black. So Now that I have met, Sookie-Sam-Tara and Stinky…..I was pondering where Donner and Blitzen were….I finished My smoke and Listened to Stinky go on and on about Frito Pie and Matlock…She put Hers out and dropped  it  into Her purse and smiled at Me while saying “Smokes are getting so expensive…I’ll ReFry this one later”….Refry??….No wonder She smells…Her purse is an Half Smoked Ashtray……So We head in and My section is filling up….I throw a bunch of orders in the window to this Queen Lafayette…..He rocks the socks off this joint …but looks like Woopie Goldberg in The Color Purple…..So I am knee deep in Fried Chicken and Ribs…and in walks Jason …and Hoyt…..I only know there names ‘cuz Sookie shouts it and Tara yells some sort of Pig Snort,Grunt greeting at Them…..These two Dumb Fucks couldn’t even spell Their Own names….Jason orders a full meal deal and some hot wings…Hoyt just orders a pitcher of Beer…..I turn  to grab all this and Arlene’s  coming up behind Me with 2 pitchers of beer…..and a whole lotta red smelly Ham hair…..Whispers in My ear…that They get free beer….Fuck That and Her Red Ass….and Now My cheek smells like ham…that is gonna ruin My  check average and no doubt these Jethros aint gonna tip on the overall bill……I just roll My eyes and continue to wait on My section…..The place is in full swing…Sam is bartending…..Tara is all bug eyed and finger wagging at some drunk frat boys…Sookie is trying to open beer bottles with Her Tooth       ap….Lafayette is churning out food like a maniac while singing I will Survive and Put a Ring on It….Jason and Hoyt are having the “would You do Me if You were gay” talk that all drunk ClampetAssMotherFuckers have….and I am just wondering whats gonna happen next…Bigger than Shit the front door opens and this Huge Baby Huey shouts   “Sam…Theres one of Those kinds coming in”…I said shut Up….I am already in Here ….and dont call Me those kinds…the term is Homosexual….Sam shoots Me a smile  and says “Back in Your section Gayzel”……Arlene-Sookie-Tara are all lined up against the Kitchen window like The 3 Stooges in Drag…..So I walked up and asked Them Who the Enormous Town Crier was…..Tara was the first to answer….however I couldn’t  understand a word she said…so….I turned to Sookie and She was trying to read Tara’s mind….So Big Red was My only choice ….so I left……..and  back into My section to drop off checks and hit the bar to have a shift drink poured by My hottass boss when Baby Huey sits in My section….fuck that….I run up to the 3 blind mice and ask Sookie to take My section……She is still busy staring at Tara’s forhead…and Tara is listening to Arlene talk about Frito Pies…..Lafayette has just started the electric slide with the Mexican dishwasher and a Jar of Mayo….when I realize I am really on My own….I turn to go help this fat bastard and thats when It happened…..I saw God…actully pretty close…Sam was walking my way….shoulders back…thick thighs rubbing….zipper buldging….KMart paid shirt tucked in showing off that massive chest.(all golden and hairy ….rem’ber?)….ok I need a sec…so …ok…Gods walking my way…Sookie Tara and Stupid are behind Me and Sam walks up and says..”Cash out Gayzel”…..Sookie…You take Dectective BelFluer….I went thru all that just to find out this fat ass is a GumShoe…..Fawk yeah I needed to cash out…..So sookie Skips like an injured 3rd grader over to Detective BelWhoEver……Peg Bundy steps out for a ReFry and Lafayette stopped dancing long enough to do a costume change…and of Course Tara was teaching American Sign Language to the dishwasher…….So I am at the bar doing My cash drop and about to sip a beer Sam the Unicorn just poured Me……..Sam pipes up….with a huge smile…staring at my mouth….”Gayzel….can I ask You a question”…..licks His lips and leans over My beer…mmmmm…..I was so caught up in watching His veiny hairy Man hands clean……I was caught of gaurd….I heard it and put My beer down and was ready to answer a sexy “yeah Boss”……When the front door opened and the dining room and bar went silent….every person in the joint was jaw dropped and staring at the tall…Handsome….(Clint EastWood back in the day type or Maybe any of the Broke Back Guys) man standing at the door….He walked from the front door to the bar….(Slowly like a tiger or Clint Eastwood with one Sleepy Leg)       Sam touched My Cheek and said…. “Gayzel take over”..Well dude was cute so I said “k boss”…..and Sam bounced faster than a runaway slave…….So the entire place is silent…..I go over to the Juke Box…..Put on some Sheila E…..(Lafayette lets out a Hey Gurl from way back in the Kitchen)……Eyes are all on Me and this tall dark man…I am behind the bar shaking My  ass the to  The Glamourous Life   when Tall Sexy sits down …..Thin face….rich blue black hair…..long long eyelashes frame out the icey blue eyes I  had never seen….I noticed He wasnt from around here…only because I shop at Barneys too…..His outfit was an infit….tailored Prada Jacket….flatfront Dolce trousers…and a Crisp Oxford loosely buttoned….showing off   His strong jaw….His Adams apple slowly dancing up and down as He breathed and licked His lips…..looking at Our  bar menu  ..while I was studying His symphony of breathing and trying to imagine Him and Sam getting it on….He gently lays the menu down and says “Hi Again …. Gayzel……May I have a True Blood”    Ok  First of All….    I have slept with a ton of peeps but this Guy….I would Rem’ber…..and on the Duce…..I dont know what the Fuck a True Blood is…..so I made Him a MoJito and threw up a Peace Sign.

 

 

“Kisses Silvermoon”

 

 

 

stay tuned for more….TruBlog

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