Top 20 things White People like: (and 1 extra)

The Cafe Survey is in and This is the Gospel according the the Gayzel:

The For’mentioned will be’ WP’ for White People

#20- Patagonia Jackets….White people go ” b, a, n, a, n, a, s” for These shits…a typical white person closet has atleast one of these….some polo shirts and a NorthFace fleece….and some left over Tommy Gear.

#19- Extreme Doritos….Actually any type of food with Extreme in the name makes WP reach for their wallet. Most of the time its at the local AM/PM in route to a Dave Mathews concert. They also like to couple these up with 60oz. sodas and Twizzlers.

#18- Shower gadgets….They love to sing,  shave, and brush Their hair and other things while getting all soapy…They have altleast 1 Mondo shower caddy hanging from the Shower Head and another one over the curtain rod….They like to collect shampoo bottles and old razors on the far corner of the tub…The invention of the CD shower mirror has made White People pay enormous water bills…. and  late for work.

#17- Asian Girls….White guys want Them(Woody Allen) and White girls wanna be Them….Just look at Gwen Stefani….I rest My case. (Nuff said No diggity) Plus Asian dudes….if You have any UGLY Asian girls…send Them over here….We’ll take’m!!

#16- Movies with Adam Sandler….White people feel safe watching Comedy with odd looking Celebs….Adam is the main one…but other ones tend to make the same movie over and over again with the same old boring premise…WP are drawn/but not limited to : Ben Stiller-David Schwimmer-The Rock-and various Gay’s like Tom Cruise and John Travolta and Oprah.

#15-Food courts….This one is very common and is a social gathering place. They get very tired from long walks to the car and Claires Boutique……. and use this area to let the kids go crazy….organize reciepts…. and purchase pizza by the slice. There is a sense of community  and self respect as They All search for a table holding Their Orange Food Trays

#14- County Fairs…..WP like to be in mass numbers consuming lots of hot foods and cold drinks. Kinda Like Giant Gold fish at the Japanese Tea Gardens… Crowds will wait for some steak on a stick or a buttery scone….(WP really enjoy anything on a Stick or BBQ’d) ….and minutes later….They are around the Honey Buckets chitt chatting.

#13-Jerry Springer….WP like to get intouch with Their loved ones Via Email and Tele. Mr Springer always has some sage advice aswell as nudity on His show. Two things that make WP tune in. If WP could watch Springer and Be at the Fair at the same time…They would be in Heaven.

#12-Mini Coopers….WP like these lil’ cars, but are mainly attached to the ones with the British Flag on the roof.  (or the Pepper White with the Glass top) This was an influence from the Austin Powers movie and WP people everywhere started to say Shag and MoJo….I guess it better than the old WP standby “Right on” or “No Worries”

#11-Biscotti…..They think its a Euro Trip for Their mouths….They like to eat as if it werejerky and completly forget to dip it into coffee…Then They wonder why the roof of Their mouths are all scraped up. They dont know the $1.75 biscotti actually costs .30cents to make….Its like a Fortune Cookie for a Mexican.

#10-Remote Controls…..WPs all over the country love these shits. They like them for the Mini Blinds…ceiling fans….of course the Tele and now for car windows…..They usually have 3 to 5 in the liviing room and almost all have no plate over the batteries. They never have enough batteries cuz of the Shower CD player. (BTW didnt Adam Sandler do a Remote control Movie?)

#9- Pho’ Soup……Clearly trying to save money from the purchase of the Mini Cooper and Shower Caddy….WP love to save money on food…When They treat Themselves…..Its with Pho (Ramen for You country folk)….tons of Noodles and broth and Sliced Dog meat…..They dont actually know how to use the veggies…and end up making a huge mess and a bright red sauce that is not edible….They quickly opt for spring rolls and the ultimate WP Pho’Pah….”May I have a Fork?”

#8- Dogs……These folks love to treat them like babies and give Them names ……like Snickers or Zoe…They put them in bags and lug them er’where.(even to Pho places….Sick Asses!!!)…pick up Dog dookie and carry it around in lil bags…and as a reward for all the licking and scratching and sniffing …They kiss them on the Nose or Dress them up…. like Children on Halloween….only thing worse than a white person’s dog….. is a day stuck at Chucki Cheese.

#7-Designer Jeans…..They can spend over $200.00 and still look like shit on. Just cuz Fergi says “Seven Jeans , True Religion” doesnt mean buy a pair….Maybe its time to Buy a Gym Membership or some jeans that fit…….Media is mainly to blame…and Jessica Simpson….BUT….It all goes back to Palin and the LipStick on a Pig thing. (No Diggity!!!!)

#6-Wide Screen TV………. Honestly the worst luxury in the world for WP. No SHit!!!!! They have a new Remote with one of these things ….and not to mention a reason to invite over friends to watch the game …..and eat Extreme Doritos….. You can see WP in Walmark or K Mark mesmerized by the size….and later in the parking lot….trying to SQUEEZE it into Their Mini Coopers. (like those Jeans…mmmm hmmmm)

#5-Duct tape………..WP’s have this stuff in every drawer of the house…..They can repair shoes and handbags with this heavy duty tape…They like to also fix broken car parts and mirrors with this shit…First invented by lesbians for breast surpressing, Duct tape quickly unraveled into the mainstream and has been Helpful to Whitey’s with loose carpets…. and broken knife handles and flat bike tires…now…. You That is True You’all!!!!

#4-Snow…..Xmas isnt the main draw…even though They love that day too….WP’s love to get dressed up and put on thin metal slats and slide down mountains at record speeds.(tax payers pay for the rescue of these Gortex Clad Idiots) It is amazing They can tear Themselves away from the Huge TV’s long enough to do anything…..but When it snows….WP’s lose all sense of reality…They hit the Highways to cause accidents…..Gather lots of snow into mounds and dress these mounds like they dress Their dogs. Snow makes Them behave like its the last day of School with a Substitute teacher.

#3- Bleu Cheese-….or Blue Cheese….However You spell it They Like it…( I mean ALOT)….They put it on everything …Burgers…Salads…..Noodles….French Fries…..Mushrooms (Stuffed)….Corn….Now I have had it…it smells like someone Shit into a Gym Sock and then Microwaved it…..So why Anyone would eat it is news to Me (and dont get Me started on Goat Cheese)…..I will stick with Gub’Ment style Cheddar.

#2-Netflix…..Who wouldnt like netflix….. I mean come on really….WP’s actually just have more time to watch movies…..They are always working from Home or unemployed…..Netflix Gives a Whitey time with a few Fav things….The Remote and Of Course that Large TV……They dont even miss the days of Driving to the Video in the Mini to rent a movie. No late Fee’s and now streaming Video….Damn Maybe thats Why We are in a recession…Thanks NetFlix!

#1-BlueTooth…..They love this gadget as much as They love Their smelly, poop’n dogs…..They like the Hands free options…. while the Cell phone is safe in the Patagonia Chest pocket.  They can walk around all day….making mergers…hostile take overs…pizza orders…driving like a B lind/ Schitzo….and of course telling people….”oh…. I’m sorry I wasnt talking to You”…..No Doubt this was invented So WP could MultiTask…..Didnt work Did it…You just wander around with one finger in the other ear….trying to listen to Your Neon Blue Ear Widget…..TACKY TACKY….

~I hope This helps, and if it doesnt…..I oh well…..I gotta go and stock some Doritos or some shit for Samiir…speaking of….Maybe I’ll do a list of What the TaliBAn likes!!

Ok Here is the EXTRA You wanted

~EXTRA~…..BLOGS!!! BLOGS>>>>>bLoGs!……White Peeps Love the Blogs!!!!….Look at You right now….all smilely….grinning…. Like a Farting Baby….You guys are constantly looking for some shit to get into….Well I gotta bounce and stop stroking Your egos…..

Later MasterBator….Gayzel

One Response to “Top 20 things White People like: (and 1 extra)”

  1. I must be extra white, cuz I love me some blogs, Netflix, and got my shower CD player playing some rockin’ 80’s tunes.

    Bleu cheese, however, smells like arm pits. Sweaty, hairy man arm pits.

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