I vowed NEVER to do this…….

.~Well…. as I got off the phone with ‘Her’ …..I realized …”it” ..needed to Happen (she is all kindsa Sweet 16 MTV style)…..A Blog about My sister..[the good, bad and the truth]……(and not Her 3 new phones or Silver Whisper Jet with a antilock brakes and an Iraqi GPS and the NaVaGaShOn!!!)…..I guess I could use (Silver)bullets or a power point  to get this shit all done, however I dont have a pro and con list about Her. “She is the Feather in the Family Turbin”.. In a Nutshell She is 20sump’n and just about to start Med School (some Selma Hayek HyBrid and a Big Barx (Bro) worst nightmare…dudes staring atcho Sis!!!)….She is a Devout Muslim and keeps Me informed on all the Family Drama, and Traditions …(like My crazy Aunt selling dark babies.. Who is 2 things…a Zillionare and  Taliban Operative…..) I couldn’t be prouder of Her even if She dated a Hindu (too many Gods and Vermillion in the hair….and dont get Me started on the Food They eat…lets just say its smells like Kermits Finger)…..All of this integrity in Me  Sis comes from Amazing Parenting….She is an even split (Mom is a Mashedi weilding, House of Daggers,  1!!!! cucumber slicing, Chicken JABOO-KUDI’NG- Daughter of The Great Allah), where I am 99% Dad….Dead Sexy (Much Love Dad!)….So I have to Whip Her ass if She gets outta line…..Not so much anymore now that She is older and I am busy exploring Scientology (Tom Cruise hit on Me for Reals!!!)…and… Cuz I am so far away (actually 1300 miles or a $323.53  plane tix on Horizon)….There were a number of times I worried….when She was lil’… I  thought I may have a KD lang on My hands (oh no!!!…) with all the basketball She was into (I thought…Damn….I dont even like the Indigo girls or Rosie O’Donnel…how Could She?)…but the day She was in front of a Noz cd drooling I realized it was worse…not Cuz I am not into black people…They are smoking Hott (I went black and stayed a while….)… But My crazy Aunti would have had a Hindi Cow…. with a side of Naan( Trust …..She Has the Hips..and so does Her Stuck up Daughter…) if She brought home anything Non-Muslim…..So time went on …and I was comfortable when She ended up with some Tall Brownie (oh!  but no!!!!! the Ears on Him..maybe She should have went the otherway)……and She learned alot… and came out a better person (I cried when I saw Her Being so Strong….She set His car on fire at a Kegger in Fresno…once again proud of Her serving Allah!!)…..It was about Her sophmore year in Uni’ that I realized I am more of a friend…..and was able to relax… (She was in the capable hands of Our Filthy rich Cousins…Pradia and Jasmine Rice)…plus I was busy stripping to pay off student loans…..These 2 girls are like Paris an Nikki Who got stuck in BollyWood Vortex and Landed on My Sister….Together…These 3 ate at Every Olive Garden in the Central Valley (Seperate Checks… They Screamed at the staff) and traveled to Pakistan for Jewelry and scarfs …while at school… They  would text message ….Via Waterford Crystal inlayed Blackberries…Pink of course…. from L.A. to Sausalito…(I actually watched These 3 part a Sea of Shoppers at the Fresno Galleria as They entered the Forever 21…. Where They were handed MochaChino’s and disappeared into the dressing rooms.)…..time seemed to fly by for both of Us….Soon She was spending time off in major resort areas like Dubia, Mazatlan and ChowChilla….it must have been student loans …or that one Arab She met at the In and Out “Booger” in Madera…eitherway I was happy to see Her having fun…before I knew it… She was off an entire summer and wanted to visit Tel Aviv and Seattle…..I jumped at the chance….I went to the Airport and was amazed at My lil’ Sis….Great taste….Crisp Oxford…low slung jeans…and some pointy sling backs (Jimmy Chooooooooo!)  and a huge Prada Hippi Flap….and all grown up….We quickly jumped in the Indian/Arab… standard  (BMW …Double Deck… 3 Series…Whisper Jet…every Baristas Dream) and headed into town….She was only here for a week which intailed sleeping in…eating tons of ToFu… and str8’n Her hair for 2 hours a day… to head out with My girlfriends (the OWS and Cameran Diaz) while I made some Sheik richer….She left 2 things in Seattle….a ton of broken hearts and a bunch of hair all over My bathroom….Life went on the same here and has been the same since….We speak almost everyday and plan on seeing Each Other soon….But within all this time I always hope She is safe and is studying…(even if  She is in The Hamptons)….The Lord really threw Me a curve as a Big bro (Being so stunning) or as She calls Me ….Barx….So-When He gave Me a sister (Thank You Allah)….Its kinda like getting a Diamond ring…actually buying a diamond ring….They are one of a kind…(so sparkly) and Boootymous….You can look at Them all day and always love Them more….. even if You misplace Them for a while. You alwaya find a new shimmery glimmer….but after a few days You turn into Gollum….. and put that Shit somewhere safe ….and hope that it never gets scratched…. and that Nobody ever steals Her away ….oh ….and If You do lose it…You are Fucked (and wonder what You did to Deserve this!?)…Such an emotionaly expensive investment ….and so tiny and perfect…Well I am not gonna be all kindsa’O… “My Precious!!!!” …So I have a plan to Guilt Her ass ArabStyle…… send Her money as much as I can…. so She knows I got Her Couture Ass on Sibling Low Jack/Lock Down…and Mom is Def on My side (We spoke)….So all in all …I have it pretty good…plus When She is a Dr. or Pres. (it could happen ….look at this Palin disaster ) I will be able to retire early from this shit…or Marry one of Her Dr. Friends….Well thats enough about Her….I’ll tell You how great I am!!!!…. in the Morrow….unless Shaneekwa got My Blog password…and spouts tons of lies…like She is here legally…or She’s gonna Shit out the boss’ Baby….Whatever….I am out anywayz…..BTW….when I was in school I never could afford a trip to ChowChilla!!!!!!!! Damn B!

2 Responses to “I vowed NEVER to do this…….”

  1. WOWW….lollllz barku! you’re SUCH a pro…i love being put on blast! and i’m weeping into my satin pillow right now! :) i love u sooo much! Only one thing has made me as honored as being your sister…and that is being your father’s daughter…my life wouldn’t be ANYWHERE as sane if not for you. and i must say you had a hand in parting that see at forever 21 :)….needless to say every one of my roommates want to meet you and your “sweet ass.” haha..and they would love for u to bring shaneekwa! hehe

  2. Um? Why aren’t You studying Yo?

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