Girls Night out

~So I needed a break from that crazy coffee shop, and  catch up with the Girls. I was able to meet with a certain Ms. C. Diaz and of course the OWS  (Original White SheDevil) down in the very Posh area in Seattle, known as Madison Park. (The Nordstrom Family and other Super White, Blonde, Platinum Bank Accounts play without regard…like Pigs in a Monsoon of Mud and Dookey) It is so 90210… and the Who’s Who….and Whats Whats is Er’Where…  You can hear the necks crack as We walk into the Bar…..We actually have a Window Seat always on LowJack during the summer…So We can people watch and comment…. The combination of Wine and Rich insecure people walking by, is a recipe for a good time….So back to Us…..We sit at Our table as pint glasses of Pinot Grigio show up and food orders are placed…The OWS orders a Veggi Pizza hold the crust..(She is always on a diet of getting a Ghetto Booty)…….C. Diaz orders a Chicken Liver sandwich smothered in onions and a side of Bacon…and I order a Crab Salad….While our food is delicatley prepared…A Baby Eagle flys in and perches on the Bar…actually its a 65 yo French hairdresser Who works in Madison…She looks like the Crypt Keeper and Michael Jackson had a Baby (Eagle)…Anyways….She is all twitchy and almost 100 lbs if She is holding Her purse. ….Well She begins to Yell in French at the bartender (and others around Her)….(in French and Spanish by now)….some shit about the football game….She wanted to watch VH1(while sipping a flask from her Clutch)…so I take it upon My French speaking self to tell Her to hold it down ( and make Me some Crepes’……. I love I love those Shits with Jelly and Butter!!!!!!)….She takes a deep breath and turns in Our direction as if to say ..You shut it…But thinking quick on Her feet the WhiteSheDevil springs into action….”You Heard Him….Shut it….Bitch!” Well The baby eagle turns back to face front and after another deep breath, She  let’s out a low ..”Bitch….” Well I didnt hear this Shit, But Ms. C. Diaz hears it…and stands up and shouts “Dont Call My Friend a Bitch,….BITCH!” Well at this point people are starting to stare….I have to do somethng and fast ….So I stand up and and in Her direction shout “if You call Me a Fag, Again, I will call the ACLU and The NAACP” of course She didnt call Me anything…cuz I wasnt acting like a bitch…My friends were (plus My food would be late if I turned the OWS loose)….So all the stares were back on Her…By this time Our food had arrived…OWS was busy building an ant hill of Parm on Her plate While C. Diaz…decided there wasnt enough Bacon on Her plate..and gracefully pulled out a shaker of Baco’s outta Her Prada  Bag….My Crab Salad was great….while We dine and discuss the Japanese Trade market, Foreign Sanctions, and Americas Next Top Model….The bar fills up….Mainly The ultra white collar criminals…and Their spouses…..Food is ordered, drinks are flying and the place looks like a Republican Fund Raiser (complete with boat shoes and fat old Men age Avg 45)……We have dozens of Madisons finest walking by Our window looking in…all have atleast 2 kids and one Nanny….there are enough high end cars outside to make Tupac roll over in His grave..(Fo Sho)…..So we stick out like a sore boner……And do We care?…..So by this time We have all stepped out for an after dinner smoke….While We are out there, We manage to count 3 Mail order Asian Brides…..6 in the closet Dads……12 Atheletic/Lesbian grandmas…..1 GaZillion ‘A’ (Gay Men Who pass for str8, but have Young ethnic men peppered around Them.) Gays….and 1 Black couple ( getting directions to the nearest WAY OUT….no diggity , and I am Brown)……While all this calculating is going on….We see Baby Eagle leaving with a Cab Driver…I cant say walking cuz She was ToW-Up!!! She was all over Him like Like Tom Cruise on a Penis…and He was on Her like…well….like… Travolta on a Pakistani Tranny…….But He had to prop this Baby Eagle up and drag Her…when They reached His cab….He was carrying Her like a bowling ball down there..(You know grip …1 in the…. and 2 in the)…..He leaned Her on the roof and door while He ran around and got in to lift Her door lock….She opens the door with Her purse hand and slipped in almost slamming Her thin  talon in the door jam….lucky for Her SHe  didnt…lucky for Us she dropped Her Dolce & Gabanna clutch…..As the cab sped off so did C. Diaz with a Fubu Clad OWS quickly behind her…..I was busy chatting up J. K. Marshall….and didnt notice…Plus those two are Hella broke  …anyways…As I handed   Didgets to this father of 3…Right Then I see. these 2 drunk bitches run up on Me….I am bombarded with giddy screaming and the OWS saying,  “DAmnB…… DamnB!!!” ……Turns out this baby eagle is a Golden Goose….tons of cash and credit cards….and some Viagra……So We are put in a very curious position….Of course We  wont Identity rogue Her ass…however We will Be getting a Free dinner and Wine…and pocket cash..and Maybe another round before We turn it in….So in We walk back to Our table and are greeted by the bartender shortly after…where We  just finished   counting the cash Mother Goose left Us…C. Diaz Quickly looks up and says…3 Pinot grigios and then the bill please…..The OWS pipes up with “Aint You  peeps got’ No CRYSTAAAALLL up in this joint….or some Old ENglish?” I again thinking on My feet….I Kick Hers under the table and tell the bartender She suffers from AfroEnvy….He agrees and calls Her a Reverse Oreo and walks away…..She is too busy shouting “Sump’n undah Da Table ..Yo….”….I FO SHO know We are in the clear when Our drinks arrive and I tell The bartender ” Some Guy just came in and asked if   this clutch was Ours…We said No. …but We’ll turn into the Bar”……He took one look at it and Said..”Oh that Cracked out Granny always loses this When She Hooks up with the Sheik”….We are 2 things….bathed in the light of the Lord for doing the right thang….and shocked….OWD Let out a loud (UHHHHH UHHHH!!!!!!!!!NO SHE DI”INT!”) Cameron Diaz…(there I said it)….Just sat ther like She did in the Mary Movie with Jizz in Her Hair….and of course I am talking to Yet another Father Who is wanting to hang out…..We all get our Change…combine the tip (watching The OWS doesnt steal it)…and Head out….Our town cars show up at the same time and We are off to hang out with our real freinds…When We all look over our cars doors and shout…Thanks Baby Eagle……As My tattooed driver nears My Destination….I thank God the Devil didnt get ahold of Me and prayed that Ms C. Diaz can become a better Actress and also never read this…and I asked for forgiveness For the Original White  Shedevil…and all the Planned ParentHood money She has wasted….after all that praying I really needed a shot of Booze….The Bouncer Chad, opened My door and whisked Me in the side door infront of the  long line outside and handed Me a Cosmo once in……The rest of the story will play out when We all hang out at Spazzo in the morn all kindsa hungover and discussing how We spent each of Our golden Eggs…… Gayzel

3 Responses to “Girls Night out”

  1. [...] http://gayzel.wordpress.com/2008/09/20/girls-night-out/ If you liked this post then you may like this one [...]

  2. This sounds a lot like sitting in Denny’s after City Lights and making fun of the old ass drunk bitches, lol.

  3. That shit is tizzight!

    -C. Diaz

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