Info. for a Saturday night on the town:
~It is Saturday eve in the Emerlad City and this means disco naps for all the kids. I was able to sling enough coffee to buy some strange person a shot of some mood altering pimp shake. I hope the rest of You are headed out too. If you are all coupled up…You should still go out, and pretend not to know each other. Its crazy foreplay ,for some Hot monkey stuff later on.(git it Kris!) For the single peeps headed out…Make sure to Stay Clear of the hot Harley Guy…We learned alot about that guy in the Poo blog. I myself plan on wearing something that makes Me look like a hairdresser or LA trash….Pointy shoes, puddling jeans and a tucked in starched oxford….(Yeah its true, they look the same)….I will probably start to prefunk around 8:30 and hit the shower and call a car around 10:00. I should arrive in the front of the bar with a crazy line around 10:05 and Do My Best Lindsey Lohan and have the bouncer walk Me in. But way before any of this shit happens, the prefunk is in effect. I will need a generous 40oz of PBR and a back up 40….(they are really heavy when You start to sip one…so You may drop it, and worse case scenario…it shatters..I.E./walaah! the second 40 oz is handy. I will also need a double side of Youtube to get Me in the dancing mood. [ I would like to suggest any 1980's music...I like Debbi Gibson and Martika.....Make sure You listen to Jermaine Stewart's "we dont have to take our clothes off to have a good time" ] If You plan on dancing…..(Na Na..and drink some cherry wine,.Na Na… Uhh Huuuuuhhhh!) [I wil make sure to press my shirt and wear clean socks]….while You are at it ….pour some olive oil on a papertowel and give Your shoes a shine if You are headed out..I always do…I will grab just enough cash to feed a small country and put it in a money clip (supplied from an East Coast Witch)…and stuff My ID in my front pocket. You dont want anything in those back pockets…they can steal the sexy right outta the full FAT ass you are trying to show ER’body…this goes for keys too…only take the house key…You shouldnt be driving after one or two 40’s (Damn Gina!) I will w/o a doubt…grab some last minute Deal Makers….These are a must: Gum…the watermelon kind..it kills er’thing….Chapstick…only the Black kind…ONLY THE BLACK KIND! You/I have to use this cuz…it keeps your lips ready…helps with speaking and wont compete with the watermelon gum. (My Dads [the ladies man] favorite chapstick…and He Rocks!) And this is almost as important as the Chapstick…Guys only wear cologne on the back of Your neck in Your hairline….no more then that…and I dont care if You are an Arab…I am one too….Girls…only wear tanning lotion out…Men go crazy for the beach smell thing and it gives the idea You tan….(tanlines are sexy for white people)…Brown people…if You wear tanning lotion..people will think You are mixed…So back to Me, I will be headed out and thinking of a really good lie…like I just came in from the Hard Rock Cafe in Kabul or that I am in the Marines….That wont help explain the outfit…but Gay People dont care. The only thing we care about is showing up in a fancy town car and wearing enough Chapstick (it looks We ate a bucket of Fried Chicken)…dancing with our shirts off and heading home to Slam some ice water and eat Ramen in our clown outfits. So I guess its time to Prefunk over here (Fo-Sho)….I hope You head out and have a great time. Please use My tips and suggestions carefully….If People are not usually seeing You as Sexy as I am…they will call you a slut(No Diggity)…so use these items in moderation. Please blow Me up if You run into any problems or git sum Suki Suki!
Have a great night Bitchez…Gayzel